S5 Episode 4 The Power of Active Listening

Are you really listening—or just waiting for your turn to speak?

In Episode 4 of Let's Chat with Leah & Deveter, we explore the art of active listening and why it's one of the most important skills we can develop in our relationships. From family conversations and friendships to the workplace and romantic relationships, truly hearing and understanding others can transform the way we connect.

Leah and Deveter share their perspectives on communication across generations, the challenges of feeling unheard, and practical ways to become better listeners in everyday life.

This episode is a reminder that sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all—because listening is often the greatest gift we can give.

💜 A special shout-out to Ms. Streetz for the amazing sweatshirts we're rocking in this episode! Thank you for helping us show up in style while we have these meaningful conversations.

Join the conversation and let us know in the comments: What does active listening mean to you?

👍 Like, Comment & Subscribe for more honest conversations with Leah & Deveter.

#LetsChatPodcast #ActiveListening #CommunicationSkills #MotherDaughterPodcast #Relationships #PersonalGrowth #FamilyConversations #MsStreetz #LeahAndDeveter

Suggested episode title:
"Are You Really Listening? | The Power of Active Listening | Episode 4"

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, I'm Leah. And I'm DeVeter, and this is Let's Chat. Hi, Leah. Hey, mommy. How's it going? It's good. How's it going with you? Pretty good. I like your sweatshirt. I like yours too. Thank you. We want to give a shout out to Miss Street's Black Women versus Everybody Clothing Brand. I will put the QR code in the comments so that you can check out this amazing brand. Leah, what are we talking about today? Today we're going to be talking about active listening. Active listening. What is active listening? I say active listening is going deeper than just what you hear, but really taking the time to analyze what you're listening to and give a response or have an understanding of what is being said or what you're hearing. That's a really good explanation of active listening. I think that it's something that can definitely be lacking in a lot of different relationships. I know, you know, in boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, sometimes active listening isn't present. A lot of times people hear what they want to hear, right? Um they they respond to what is um most important to them. Yes. So how do you think we can make sure we're actively listening to people in conversations? Um, I don't really know because you just said, at the end of the day, you're gonna hear like what you want to hear, you're gonna listen to what you want to. Um so I think it's just finding it to if you really care for this person or like this person, you're gonna actually listen to what they're saying for the whole duration of it and then make your assessments, then say what you have to say rather than just hearing the surface the surface level and responding on that. So that's what I think. What do you think? I I think I I agree with you on that stance, but I also think that um as parents, a lot of times our children don't always hear what we're saying to them. Um, they might be in the back of their minds saying, oh my God, again on my nerves. And it's just like going in one ear. Have you ever heard the term going in one ear and out the other? That is a real example of not actively listening because you maybe you ask me for something, and I, you know, want to give you a whole sermon or lecture about this thing. You you ask me, mommy, can you please give me a ride to X, Y, and Z place? And then I go, oh, well, you always want rides and da-da-da-da. And I'm talking, talking, talking. Are you really hearing me? No, no, no. No. Um, and that's just one example of not being an active listener. I think that a lot of times, um, as parents, we need to know when our children are saying something that they really need our response to and and need our attention on. So it that that definitely takes active listening. You gave me an example, actually, the other day. You said your principal wanted y'all to stop this game that y'all were doing for and you went into his office and you sat down, you had to talk to him, and what was he doing? A lot of talking, just a whole lot of talking, like unnecessary talking. Because if you say what you have to say in the first few sentences, don't waste your breath. Like we get it. So, as parents, if you have something that you need your child to hear, you need to say it with expedience. Yes. Without droning on. Yes. So if I wanted to tell you, Leah, I don't like those jeans that you're wearing, you say it just like that. Say it just like that. I don't have to keep going on and saying you look like whatever, whatever, whatever. Because then if I really like care, I ask you why don't you like the jeans I'm wearing, and then that's when it happens, like that conversation or like that happens rather than you just saying, I don't like your jeans, and continuously going on, because then I'm just gonna be like, okay, well, I'm not now gonna wear the jeans. Because you're doing a lot. Rather than you saying it, me asking why, then you giving the reason, then it'll be like, okay, I understand, because I'm hearing you, like I'm listening to what you're saying, because I want to know. Right. If I didn't ask, I don't want to know. If I didn't ask, I don't want to know. So if I said I don't like your hair like that, and if you don't say, well, why not? Yeah. I'm still gonna wear my hair list. You're still gonna wear it. But if I say, I really don't like your hair like that, and then you say, Well, why not? And I give you my reason, then you can be like, okay, I understand now. And we're having a conversation. I like to tell people all the time, a conversation is I talk, you talk, I talk, you that's a conversation. That's not a yelling match, that's not an argument. But in order to practice active living, active living, active listening, you have to have conversations. What do you think is holding or keeping young people back from having conversations with their parents? I think just the fact of not listening to each other. It can be on both sides. If I'm saying something and you're not listening actively to what I'm saying to you and you're not taking that in and um like reflecting on it or remembering it for future reference, then it's like I'm not gonna want to talk to you because it's proven that you don't listen and you don't retain it. So it's just like, why am I even saying these things? kind of thing. That's really good. That's really good. And I I hope that the parents who are watching or listening to this podcast glean something from that because I know we have a lot of friends who have children, and it seems like their parents aren't listening to them. If your parent isn't listening to you as you verbally speak, what are some other ways that you can communicate with your parents to get them to kind of understand what you're saying? A lot of people aren't gonna like this, but most of the times it comes out through actions. So, like, especially as kids, teenagers, you're gonna be more inclined to just do what you want to do if your parent isn't understanding or listening to what you're saying. And then, like, that's why most of the fact, most of the times, because I'll label as like bad kids, but it's because they want attention from their parents or they want their parents to listen to them. But they're not doing that. So that's why they go with the action because they know they're gonna get a reaction out of it. I know it just always makes me because I try to be an active listener and I try to, you know, I always say when you or your brothers come to me and want to have a conversation about something, I always want to ask. So, am I just listening to what you're telling me, or am I providing feedback? Am I giving advice? Like, what kind of conversation are we having? Have you found that to be helpful? I have. Okay. I found that to be helpful, and I found to exhibit that as well and do that too in my conversations because being the fan that I am, like when people come to me or whatever, there's a situation going on, and in my like relationship, it's just you have to understand what that person needs from you in that point of time. But at the end of the day, it all boils down to listening to them. Wow. That's really good. Thank you for sharing that. Like, you know, sometimes we don't think about people who don't have anybody to talk to, right? There are a lot of people, a lot of young people, a lot of adults who don't have anybody who's going to listen to them. Like, I don't want you to say anything, I just want you to listen. I want you to hear my heart. I want you to understand that I've been through X, Y, and Z, and this is how it makes me feel, or how it makes me behave because I don't have somebody who is really listening and digesting what I'm saying. I think listening can save lives. Yes, I agree. Yeah, I agree. Because that's how most dire situations begin, is if you don't have anyone to talk to and no one's listening to you. Yeah. How do you? I know I asked you a lot of questions, but that I mean, honestly, full transparency. That was the reason why I wanted us to do this podcast, is because it gives us the opportunity to hear from your side of the coin. We always hear the adult's point of view. We hardly ever hear the kids' point of view. So that's why I always, you know, just say, so Leah, what do you think about X, Y, and Z? It's because I want others to hear what it is that a young person is thinking. So how do you exhibit active listening? Like you said, you you try to do it within your relationships, but how do you make sure that as an ear for others, you're exhibiting active listening? Um, when we're in our conversations, addressing what like every single part of what people say rather than just like the bits and pieces, or just letting them know that I still am listening, giving them that like eye contact, that comforting, um, those signs, body language to know that you're listening, um, retaining the information for next time. So, like, if I'm having a conversation about something a week later, I'm gonna be like, so did this ever get figured out? Like, just revisiting those conversations so they know, oh, Leah's thinking, like Leah's gonna be that kind of thing, rather than just having letting it be a one-time thing. Um, that's always what I try to go for, to let people know that I'm listening. That's really good. Um, you know, revisiting, going back, re-re-talking about it, bringing it back up, make sure that the person feels heard. And that body language is so important. Yes. Like if if if I'm trying to communicate with somebody and they won't look at me, it makes communication really difficult. If if I'm trying to talk to somebody and I touch you and you're not receptive to my touch, that says a lot. So active listening, your body language, your retention of the conversation, all of these are amazing tools to keep us um actively listening. That's really good. Yeah. Do you think active listening helps in school? I do. I mean, like, with the academic standpoint, of course, because you gotta remember everything. So I think it comes in at that point, but also like in school, in high school, there's a especially there's a lot of things going on at once. So just being able to actively listen to some and then drain out others um helps as well. That's what I would say. But earlier on in the episode, you said something along the lines of um like yelling matches and going back and forth with each other in an argument rather than having a conversation. And I just wanted to like add to that with the active listening part. You know you're actively listening when you're not holding on to one thing someone says and thinking about that the entire time, just to spew back at them.

unknown 12:08

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Like I feel like that's something that we've gotten accustomed to. Yeah. Um, and like especially in debates, like in that kind of thing, you only hit one point because that's what they said, like in the beginning, and you've been thinking about that the entire time. It's like you're not listening to what's going on, you're just thinking about your response. And just don't do that. Yeah. That's definitely listening to respond. Yes. So you're not listening to digest what the person is saying or understand where the person is coming from, you're listening to respond. Yeah. So you're listening, oh, you said that I did, and blah blah. That's not that's not active listening at all. And and like you said, you're just harping on one particular point. You're not even hearing the whole story. So, like you've lost already because you didn't even get what the other person was saying. Yes. I saw your little gavel, so y'all won your debate. Yes, we did win the debate. I'm a full debater now, but even in the debates, it's like you still have to listen and hit everything and understand where people are coming from and use that to make your assessment on what they're going through or who they are. So really good. Thanks for sharing, Leah. That was that was excellent. I appreciate your time. You all, if you are looking for someone to listen to you, if you need a listening ear, we're going to share some resources in the comments and in the description of this video so that you feel heard. We want to make sure that you're getting the this the support that you need on all levels. If you're a parent, if you're a teenager, and you just need somebody to listen to you, we'll definitely leave those resources um in the description. Another great episode with my beautiful daughter, black women. Because we erbody, and we love being black women. Yes, we love being black. Always she loves being black, y'all. Ways. Don't play. Thanks so much for listening. See you next time. Bye. Bye.